Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Fixing the Fix It Minset - How to Stop Fixing Other People in 6 Easy Steps!

Don't get me wrong, I love fixing things, helping others, but one of the things I have learned is that becoming a "fixer" has its price. It takes away time from my goals, my needs, even my down time. But the real question? How to stop? Well, here are some tried and true tips to help you the fixin' mindset once and for all.

1. Light Bulb – Use that noggin to KNOW that you need to stop. Too much helping others leaves us with nothing left. So, to begin, you gotta buy the premise that less fixing is a good idea. Plain and simple.

2. Understand biology – As humans, our limbic system, which controls emotion, kicks in first, before that good old logic and reasoning. So, we feel first and that is uncomfortable, but if we simply wait, our logical side can get to have a voice too.

3. What’s my Achilles Heel? – Ask yourself WHY you have a need to fix things. Granted, this is a big “woman’s issue,” but plenty of men do it as well. Understanding how you are wired will help. For instance, do you hate when things are out of control, does the discomfort of others get your goat, or do you have an overwhelming desire to be liked? Figure it out and it won’t have power over you. You will be able to wrestle with those emotions a little bit better if you know where they are coming from.

4. Lock it up and throw away the key – I try and practice the fine art of keeping my big mouth shut. It takes a lot of work. Shutting up ain’t easy. But everything gets easier with practice and living through the emotional discomfort quietly is one way to back away from fixing.

5. Buy Time – If you do get into a situation where you are about to go into “fix it” mode, just work on buying yourself time. This simple line will do. “I will get back to you on that.” Don’t commit until you can decide if helping is a good idea or just an attempt to take over, be controlling, please everyone, take away their pain, etc.

6. Accept the discomfort – New things are uncomfortable. Saying no, staying silent, even enjoying the extra time that not being a “fix it” person will bring might feel uncomfortable. It takes time and practice.

Try any of these and you will be on your way to saying good bye to being a fixer.

Check out WHY you want to stop fixing here.

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