We have all heard about “stretching” ourselves, in a million different ways. I mean, there is stretching our muscles, stretching our minds, stretching our dollars. It goes on forever. When we think about stretching, it’s really about making something go farther than it would otherwise. Whether it’s our bodies or our minds, stretching is a good thing.
But, what about our comfort zones? How often do we stretch those? How often do we say, “This is different, or strange or frightening, but I am going to do it anyway?” How often do we stretch ourselves to try things that are out of our routine, that alter the dance of our daily lives?
Comfort zones are about the safety and familiarity we feel when doing what we know, good or bad. That’s right, just because it’s a comfort zone doesn’t mean that it is healthy or good for you. It means, simply, that you are at ease with doing it. Take a look at your comfort zones. Are they good for you, destructive, fear based, just a habit?
So, here is my thought. What if you took a chance? Today. Tomorrow. Even the day after that. What if you decided you would try and break out of your zone. Once a day. Just a small thing. Something you could do, even though it puts a knot in your stomach. What would it feel like to stretch yourself? I think you know the answer to that. Terrifying, exciting, exhilarating. Wow.
Here are some light comedies that demonstrate the value of stretching ourselves out of our comfort zones. Have fun. Laugh. And remember, we can be anything we want to be. Just stretch a little.
Stretching Out Of The Neurotic Comfort Zone
French Kiss - Meg Ryan faces her fears (an endless list) searching for her delinquent fiancée all over France. Watch her tiny comfort zone expand like a balloon in this sweet romantic comedy. By the way, make note of Kevin Kline’s prefect French accent!
Along Came Polly – Ben Stiller is a perfect neurotic, who takes the chance to pursue someone completely out of his comfort zone in this silly, but sweet comedy with a very funny Jennifer Anniston.
Stretching Out Of Avoiding Intimacy Into A Loving Relationship
27 Dresses - This is a cute romantic comedy in which the main character focuses on everyone but herself, all to avoid intimacy. Then she begins to take steps to challenge herself and be open to the love she deserves.
10 Things I Hate About You – A sweet teen romantic comedy about love and becoming real. The issues of intimacy and vulnerability are relevant no matter what our age. It will be bittersweet for Heath Ledger fans. He is perfect in this.
Stretching Out Of Your Current Identity Into A New And Stronger You
Legally Blonde – Sweet and fun. This is a classic tale. Reese Witherspoon makes Elle Woods come alive as she gets her legal sea legs, just by stretching her vision of herself.
About A Boy – Hugh Grant at his best. Subtle, funny, poignant. A man living in an empty and isolated world inches his way into a life full of richness and meaning.
Have fun and remember to stretch yourself from time-to-time. You never know what exciting changes you can bring into your life!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Promises Kept
Promise little and do much. Hebrew Proverb
Most of us are so good at making promises! But how good are we at promises kept? I mean, we are all familiar with the let down of broken promises. However, if we are honest, most of us will admit we have been guilty ourselves.
Why?
1. Over promising
Often a broken promise is about over promising. Many of us do this because we want to please others or we feel pressured in certain situations and don't know how to say no.
2. Not thinking
So many of us just don't think beyond saying yes. We don't think of the reality of honoring that commitment.
Why Stop?
How big of a deal is this anyway? I mean, truth be known, over promising is everywhere.....
1. Relationship trouble
When we break promises to others, we compromise the trust that others have in us. This can take its toll on friendships, relationships and even our work.
2. More relationship trouble
If we promise too much and do it, resentment and anger can bubble under the surface. Or, as we know, pop to the top. This makes for more relationship trouble.
3. Stomach trouble
Over promising gives us anxiety. We get that knot in our stomachs, that sense of one more thing to worry about that we don't want to do.
4. Brain trouble.
Most of us don't feel great about ourselves when we are doing things we don't want to do, or, adversely, breaking commitments. It's just not good for our self worth.
How to keep promises and keep from over promising!
1. Know yourself.
Know your Achilles' Heel. Know the places and people you tend to over promise to, including pressure you may give yourself.
2. Know the situation.
Ask yourself: Am I able to do this? Do I want to do this? Will I do this?
3. Know how to say no.
a. Buy time. "I can call you about that tomorrow." "I will let you know tonight."
b. Say no. "I am sorry. I wish I could help."
4. Know what's right.
Remember you don't help others and you don't help yourself by over promising. Whether you aren't paying attention to your promises or you are struggling to stand up for yourself, try promising less. And remember, everything you practice over and over your get better at. Have fun working on this and imagine how great you will feel without unwanted and unfulfilled promises hanging over your head!
Most of us are so good at making promises! But how good are we at promises kept? I mean, we are all familiar with the let down of broken promises. However, if we are honest, most of us will admit we have been guilty ourselves.
Why?
1. Over promising
Often a broken promise is about over promising. Many of us do this because we want to please others or we feel pressured in certain situations and don't know how to say no.
2. Not thinking
So many of us just don't think beyond saying yes. We don't think of the reality of honoring that commitment.
Why Stop?
How big of a deal is this anyway? I mean, truth be known, over promising is everywhere.....
1. Relationship trouble
When we break promises to others, we compromise the trust that others have in us. This can take its toll on friendships, relationships and even our work.
2. More relationship trouble
If we promise too much and do it, resentment and anger can bubble under the surface. Or, as we know, pop to the top. This makes for more relationship trouble.
3. Stomach trouble
Over promising gives us anxiety. We get that knot in our stomachs, that sense of one more thing to worry about that we don't want to do.
4. Brain trouble.
Most of us don't feel great about ourselves when we are doing things we don't want to do, or, adversely, breaking commitments. It's just not good for our self worth.
How to keep promises and keep from over promising!
1. Know yourself.
Know your Achilles' Heel. Know the places and people you tend to over promise to, including pressure you may give yourself.
2. Know the situation.
Ask yourself: Am I able to do this? Do I want to do this? Will I do this?
3. Know how to say no.
a. Buy time. "I can call you about that tomorrow." "I will let you know tonight."
b. Say no. "I am sorry. I wish I could help."
4. Know what's right.
Remember you don't help others and you don't help yourself by over promising. Whether you aren't paying attention to your promises or you are struggling to stand up for yourself, try promising less. And remember, everything you practice over and over your get better at. Have fun working on this and imagine how great you will feel without unwanted and unfulfilled promises hanging over your head!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Ingrid's Guide To Happiness - And The Tools To Make It Happen
"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
Ingrid Bergman
This is one of my favorite quotes. It's funny and true and poignant all at once. Obviously, good health is everything. Yet, it is the very thing many of us take for granted before we lose it. Ingrid makes a point. Most of us have something about our health to appreciate. We could enhance our happiness just by recognizing what we had all along.
Then there is memory. This quote makes me laugh. I can't help but think about Finding Nemo's Dory. Her lack of memory seems so silly. I mean, you can't help but laugh. But when you really think about it, its not so funny after all. I mean, most of us forget what we are doing going one room to another, but remember with vehemence, when we were wronged, disrespected, teased or hurt. We forget things like calling someone back or putting something away. Sometimes we even let wonderful moments fade away. But how often do we hang on for dear life to our hurts and humiliations? Ingrid is right. Maybe there are some things for which we should practice the art of forgetting. What happens when you let go of the grudge you are holding toward a family member or co-worker? What happens when you stop recounting over and over the story of someone who wronged you? What would it be like to let those hurts fade away, instead of holding onto them so tightly?
Granted, these incidents are powerful, because when we experienced them, they were stamped deeply on us by the intensity of our emotions. But, maybe, if we let go of that hurt, tried to "forget" it, we would be happier. Now, I am not talking about forgetting to the degree that you are setting yourself up to be hurt over and over. I am really talking about letting go, about forgiving. Not once, but taking forgiveness as a lifestyle choice, as a daily decision. To decide to let go of hurts, to be more like Finding Nemo's Dory.
How to get to that state of letting go, of forgiving......5 minutes at a time.....
Stop the Repeat
Practice the art of not repeating those little frustrations. For example, instead of coming back from the bank telling everyone at the office how long the line was and how the teller was rude, just don't. By not re-telling the story, you are stopping the negative energy of the event! And it will soon fade from your memory.
Replace it
When you find yourself wanting to recount the bad stuff, replace your thoughts or talk with a good memory. Call that college buddy and remind them....of that hysterical night you had so many years ago.
Make a Mantra
Replace your thoughts with something productive. "I don't have to keep thinking about this." "I can let this go." "Being mad just upsets me. I think I will let this go." Sound silly? Research says, believing it comes from saying it. Keep at it and see where it takes you.
In only minutes a day, you can adapt a mindset of letting go, a daily decision to forgive....and be happy!
Try it out and have fun!
Maria
Ingrid Bergman
This is one of my favorite quotes. It's funny and true and poignant all at once. Obviously, good health is everything. Yet, it is the very thing many of us take for granted before we lose it. Ingrid makes a point. Most of us have something about our health to appreciate. We could enhance our happiness just by recognizing what we had all along.
Then there is memory. This quote makes me laugh. I can't help but think about Finding Nemo's Dory. Her lack of memory seems so silly. I mean, you can't help but laugh. But when you really think about it, its not so funny after all. I mean, most of us forget what we are doing going one room to another, but remember with vehemence, when we were wronged, disrespected, teased or hurt. We forget things like calling someone back or putting something away. Sometimes we even let wonderful moments fade away. But how often do we hang on for dear life to our hurts and humiliations? Ingrid is right. Maybe there are some things for which we should practice the art of forgetting. What happens when you let go of the grudge you are holding toward a family member or co-worker? What happens when you stop recounting over and over the story of someone who wronged you? What would it be like to let those hurts fade away, instead of holding onto them so tightly?
Granted, these incidents are powerful, because when we experienced them, they were stamped deeply on us by the intensity of our emotions. But, maybe, if we let go of that hurt, tried to "forget" it, we would be happier. Now, I am not talking about forgetting to the degree that you are setting yourself up to be hurt over and over. I am really talking about letting go, about forgiving. Not once, but taking forgiveness as a lifestyle choice, as a daily decision. To decide to let go of hurts, to be more like Finding Nemo's Dory.
How to get to that state of letting go, of forgiving......5 minutes at a time.....
Stop the Repeat
Practice the art of not repeating those little frustrations. For example, instead of coming back from the bank telling everyone at the office how long the line was and how the teller was rude, just don't. By not re-telling the story, you are stopping the negative energy of the event! And it will soon fade from your memory.
Replace it
When you find yourself wanting to recount the bad stuff, replace your thoughts or talk with a good memory. Call that college buddy and remind them....of that hysterical night you had so many years ago.
Make a Mantra
Replace your thoughts with something productive. "I don't have to keep thinking about this." "I can let this go." "Being mad just upsets me. I think I will let this go." Sound silly? Research says, believing it comes from saying it. Keep at it and see where it takes you.
In only minutes a day, you can adapt a mindset of letting go, a daily decision to forgive....and be happy!
Try it out and have fun!
Maria
Stop
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)