New Month's Resolution
It’s that time of year again. Time to resolve to get thin, get rich, be more organized and be just plain old happier. What an exciting time of year as we all laugh and decide “who” we are going to become this year, much like children giggle and announce they will be firemen and doctors and superheroes.
But February will be here soon. And what then? Just like the children we used to be, we move on to the next thing. Our dreams seem to slip between our fingers and we wait till next January sneaks up on us for our annual resolution visit. That’s all fine and good if our goal is to play and laugh and fantasize about something that maybe we don’t want too very much. But what if the resolution is something we really pine for? What if it is something we really desire? What then?
Well, it’s actually quite simple to make a New Year’s Resolution become reality. Practice the three D’s - one month at a time.
1. Decide what you want to change.
2. Develop one house rule beginning in January to point you in the direction of your goal.
3. Do the house rule over and over. All month long.
This is how it works. It begins with picking a goal. Normally we might pick a resolution like, “I will be thin this year.” Things can fall apart if we set unrealistic or unclear goals. We might decide to go to the gym 65 times in the month of January, all while eating 800 calories a day. Well, we all know what happens next, right?
If, instead, you take the mindset of creating one change and committing to it, you start to really move the wheels of improvement. Imagine, if you said, “I want to be thin, so, in January, I will eat using small plates and not take seconds.” Imagine if that was the only change you made…..a bit easier than 600 hours of exercise, right?
That one goal is what I call a house rule. House rules are guidelines we create for ourselves that help us meet goals and save time with decision making. A perfect house rule is one that is simple and easy to accomplish. One small change. If you practice that house rule regularly, within a month, you will be well on your way to making it a habit. Then, for February, you add another simple house rule. And practice it over and over. Repeating simple changes creates life altering habits.
Here’s the reality. If you took that one month’s resolution and worked on it all year long, you would almost be guaranteed to have more success than most of us who make dramatic temporary changes that don’t last.
Try the New Month’s Resolution. Decide on your goal. Develop a house rule for that goal. Do that house rule for a whole month and see where you end up! If that’s the only change you stick to all year, you will have succeeded. Or, you may decide to add new house rules each month of the year. What then? Big success.
Keep yourself focused on your goals with my free New Month’s Resolution weekly mini-newsletter. Go to my website, simplyputtogether.com, click on the contact page and request New Month’s Resolution newsletter.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Simplify Your Holiday Life Today!
Welcome to my Simply Put Together blog!
Simplify Your Holiday Life Today!
Here are 3 tools you can use to get more time and pleasure out of the remaining days of the holiday season! These tools come from my new book, Simply Put Together, a 2008 Planner with a path to individual wellness and personal satisfaction.
Stop Shoplifting!
Shoplifting, as you know, is taking what does not belong to you. I am not talking about stealing a shirt here. Are you shoplifting other people’s responsibilities? Are you taking what belongs to others and keeping it for yourself? Here is an example. Your husband promises to make dinner. You come home and he is barely started! Do you take over, all exasperated? Another example. Your co-worker comes to you for help with a proposal. You take it and make the changes for them. Here is another. Your teenage daughter tells you she needs her band uniform at 1130pm for school the next morning. And you wash it for her.
Where are you shoplifting in your life? It’s important to support the people in our lives, but does stealing their responsibilities help them or your relationships? Christmas is only days away. Take a look at your daily life and see if you are shoplifting. If the woman in the example had let her husband cook on his own schedule, not taken over the proposal and let her daughter do her own laundry, she would have gotten 2 ½ hours back that day!!!! Buy yourself some time and try to stop shoplifting other people's responsibilities this week.
Forgive Something
Forgive something. Tis the season, right? Next time something makes you angry, use the season to “forgive” it. This may sound crazy, but Christmas is a time to be a little crazy, so try it. Maybe traffic makes you mad, or your mother, or your boss. The next time someone or something gets under your skin, give it the Holiday Forgiveness Treatment. Just tell yourself, "I’m forgiving this one," and then, CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Don’t linger on the topic. Replace that thought with something you are looking forward to doing. Basically, you are replacing all that anger with something positive. Instead of brooding for an hour or so, your mind will be free to think of something else, like last minute gifts, or the party you are having. Forgive something today and see how that gives your mind time to do something better for you!
Holiday Replay
You can create more pleasure in your day with a Holiday Replay. Think back on a happy childhood Christmas memory and re-live it. Either in your head, or actually do it. Go sledding. Watch Holiday movies. My daughter and I play a game where we recount favorite holiday memories. Back and forth we go. Sometimes they are silly…..like when she remembered being afraid Rudolph's nose light would go out and Santa would crash into her window. Doesn’t matter. Holiday replay can be sharing memories or doing them all over again. But it’s really about making room to experience the magic of the holidays, simply by reaching into the backs of our minds and grabbing onto the things that made our past seasons delightful.
A few small changes and you can create more time and pleasure this season!
Simplify Your Holiday Life Today!
Here are 3 tools you can use to get more time and pleasure out of the remaining days of the holiday season! These tools come from my new book, Simply Put Together, a 2008 Planner with a path to individual wellness and personal satisfaction.
Stop Shoplifting!
Shoplifting, as you know, is taking what does not belong to you. I am not talking about stealing a shirt here. Are you shoplifting other people’s responsibilities? Are you taking what belongs to others and keeping it for yourself? Here is an example. Your husband promises to make dinner. You come home and he is barely started! Do you take over, all exasperated? Another example. Your co-worker comes to you for help with a proposal. You take it and make the changes for them. Here is another. Your teenage daughter tells you she needs her band uniform at 1130pm for school the next morning. And you wash it for her.
Where are you shoplifting in your life? It’s important to support the people in our lives, but does stealing their responsibilities help them or your relationships? Christmas is only days away. Take a look at your daily life and see if you are shoplifting. If the woman in the example had let her husband cook on his own schedule, not taken over the proposal and let her daughter do her own laundry, she would have gotten 2 ½ hours back that day!!!! Buy yourself some time and try to stop shoplifting other people's responsibilities this week.
Forgive Something
Forgive something. Tis the season, right? Next time something makes you angry, use the season to “forgive” it. This may sound crazy, but Christmas is a time to be a little crazy, so try it. Maybe traffic makes you mad, or your mother, or your boss. The next time someone or something gets under your skin, give it the Holiday Forgiveness Treatment. Just tell yourself, "I’m forgiving this one," and then, CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Don’t linger on the topic. Replace that thought with something you are looking forward to doing. Basically, you are replacing all that anger with something positive. Instead of brooding for an hour or so, your mind will be free to think of something else, like last minute gifts, or the party you are having. Forgive something today and see how that gives your mind time to do something better for you!
Holiday Replay
You can create more pleasure in your day with a Holiday Replay. Think back on a happy childhood Christmas memory and re-live it. Either in your head, or actually do it. Go sledding. Watch Holiday movies. My daughter and I play a game where we recount favorite holiday memories. Back and forth we go. Sometimes they are silly…..like when she remembered being afraid Rudolph's nose light would go out and Santa would crash into her window. Doesn’t matter. Holiday replay can be sharing memories or doing them all over again. But it’s really about making room to experience the magic of the holidays, simply by reaching into the backs of our minds and grabbing onto the things that made our past seasons delightful.
A few small changes and you can create more time and pleasure this season!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Masterful Apology
Welcome to my blog!
The Masterful Apology
Well, yes, I admit. I hate to be wrong. In our house there is a joke about all the Murphy's that won't apologize. We will debate to the end, re-write the story, jump through various hoops, attempt to divert, anything just to be right. But sometimes the apology is the only right thing to do.
It is so humbling to admit we are wrong or admit we have hurt someone. I know what it feels like when I get that little knot in my stomach that makes me want to STOP and not say a word. It feels like a tiny wall trying to block me from apologizing. Hmmm.
I've been in the mental health profession long enough to know that blocking things that should be let go only leads to walls and barriers that are much harder to bring down.
Not apologizing when you are wrong seems like such a tiny infraction. Almost inconsequential.
But what about the build up?
When you hang onto your apologies, you aren't helping anyone. You don't help the relationship with the person you have hurt. You don't help yourself, because really.....that apology isn't yours. It belongs to the person or situation that you owe it to. Eventually, you get bogged down in something that isn't even yours. And for what....10 seconds of discomfort?......Now that's silly.
Five things you need to know about apologies.
1. They take only seconds to do once you know how.
2. They make your relationships stronger.
3. They are the right thing to do.
4. They make you feel free inside.
5. They get easier to do once you get in your groove.
One Two Three - Apology
1. Acknowledge what you did. - "I yelled at you in the middle of the store."
2. Take ownership of the mistake. - "That was disrespectful and I am sorry."
3. If appropriate, make amends. - "Would you like to have some mother/daughter time after we get home to make up for how I treated you?"
Stay away from these "fake" apologies!
1. Yelling, "I'm SORRY!!!"
2. Sharing something in an apology that only hurts the other person. "I'm sorry that I didn't stand up for you when everyone at the party was laughing at you behind your back." YIPES!
3. Apologies that only serve to relieve your conscience. You know what these are. Don't do it!
A little blurb on kids, because I can't resist.
It's no accident that I used an example of my daughter and myself. If you can apologize to your kid( and I don't mean in a snivelling "I'm sorry, Johnny, mommy didn't know you didn't want chicken for dinner. I'll fix something else." way). I mean there is tremendous power in being a role model for our children. Children learn by what they see. There is equal power in showing your child that you respect them enough to apologize to them when you are wrong. If you apologize to your child regularly each week, in time, you will see the results. They will feel your respect and you will get it back. I just know it.
So, here's the thing. Apologies really aren't that hard. They just take a little bit of practice and a little bit of know-how. Go for it and see how free you feel.
Got Questions? You can go to the contact sheet on my website and ask away!
The Masterful Apology
Well, yes, I admit. I hate to be wrong. In our house there is a joke about all the Murphy's that won't apologize. We will debate to the end, re-write the story, jump through various hoops, attempt to divert, anything just to be right. But sometimes the apology is the only right thing to do.
It is so humbling to admit we are wrong or admit we have hurt someone. I know what it feels like when I get that little knot in my stomach that makes me want to STOP and not say a word. It feels like a tiny wall trying to block me from apologizing. Hmmm.
I've been in the mental health profession long enough to know that blocking things that should be let go only leads to walls and barriers that are much harder to bring down.
Not apologizing when you are wrong seems like such a tiny infraction. Almost inconsequential.
But what about the build up?
When you hang onto your apologies, you aren't helping anyone. You don't help the relationship with the person you have hurt. You don't help yourself, because really.....that apology isn't yours. It belongs to the person or situation that you owe it to. Eventually, you get bogged down in something that isn't even yours. And for what....10 seconds of discomfort?......Now that's silly.
Five things you need to know about apologies.
1. They take only seconds to do once you know how.
2. They make your relationships stronger.
3. They are the right thing to do.
4. They make you feel free inside.
5. They get easier to do once you get in your groove.
One Two Three - Apology
1. Acknowledge what you did. - "I yelled at you in the middle of the store."
2. Take ownership of the mistake. - "That was disrespectful and I am sorry."
3. If appropriate, make amends. - "Would you like to have some mother/daughter time after we get home to make up for how I treated you?"
Stay away from these "fake" apologies!
1. Yelling, "I'm SORRY!!!"
2. Sharing something in an apology that only hurts the other person. "I'm sorry that I didn't stand up for you when everyone at the party was laughing at you behind your back." YIPES!
3. Apologies that only serve to relieve your conscience. You know what these are. Don't do it!
A little blurb on kids, because I can't resist.
It's no accident that I used an example of my daughter and myself. If you can apologize to your kid( and I don't mean in a snivelling "I'm sorry, Johnny, mommy didn't know you didn't want chicken for dinner. I'll fix something else." way). I mean there is tremendous power in being a role model for our children. Children learn by what they see. There is equal power in showing your child that you respect them enough to apologize to them when you are wrong. If you apologize to your child regularly each week, in time, you will see the results. They will feel your respect and you will get it back. I just know it.
So, here's the thing. Apologies really aren't that hard. They just take a little bit of practice and a little bit of know-how. Go for it and see how free you feel.
Got Questions? You can go to the contact sheet on my website and ask away!
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